Livlife Smash

Can you tell I watched the Avengers this weekend?

Aside from that, I have a story for you.
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Meet my lunch bucket. It’s neither a bucket, nor exclusively for lunch, but regardless, I call it my lunch bucket. I’ve been using this since the dawn of time (or 2007). It technically belongs to my mother, as she had it as an extra and passed it along to me when I started bringing my lunch to work on a daily basis.

When I moved, I took the lunch bucket with me. It’s been to Globe with me on every single day I’ve worked (pretty much). I take it with me when I work at Mimi. As a matter of fact, Amy Red just commented on it this weekend, how cute it is and what a great size it is.

Hear, hear.

So, naturally, I chose this morning to smash that mother all to hell.

Here’s what happened, I was walking up the stairs, lunch bucket in my left hand, water cup in the right (you can see my current water cup in the photo above, to the right of the lunch bucket). Somehow, in all of my infinite gracefulness, I tripped.

Tripped.

Going up the stairs.

My forward momentum propelled me forward, into the wall.

I flew. My right shoulder hit the wall. My head snapped forward and my right temple smacked the wall. My left hand swung forward and smashed my lunch bucket into the wall.

{yes, this is marginally funny, yet 100% true}

I dropped the lunch bucket, well, dropped isn’t the right word. I smashed it so hard, the handle broke off and it dropped to the floor. I was actually left holding the handle.

Of course, it hit the floor and the lid popped off. My lunch went scattering six ways to Sunday. The cup of applesauce I brought hit the floor and the impact tore open the lid and splashed applesauce….everywhere. Well, to be fair, by “everywhere” I mostly mean on my clothing, hands, face, and hair. Precious little spilled in the hallway.

Meanwhile, my body, after slamming into the concrete wall, bounced off and I landed, sprawled on my ass in the middle of the landing.

I think the Romanian judge gave me a perfect 10.

And there I was. Graceful and lovely.

Dripping applesauce and all.

I sat, just for a moment, before relieving my spleen.

“Son of a BITCH”

That felt good.

Then, of course, the gaggle of students tromped up the stairs. They scootched around me and…never said a word.

Because, naturally, if you find the librarian sitting on the floor, dripping applesauce, food flung every which way and the shattered remains of what used to be a very usable lunch bucket; what you do is look away, talk louder and studiously ignore her.

Do not, under any circumstances, ask if she is okay or if you can help.

And so, I hauled my battered carcass off the damn floor, scooped what I could find, including the mostly empty applesauce container; picked up the largest pieces of broken plastic and limped my way to my desk.

Then, of course, a short detour to the bathroom to mop applesauce from my body. A damp paper towel to take back to my desk eased the process.
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My poor lunch bucket.
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It is well and truly wrecked.

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This is all that’s left. {and I just saw that I evidently managed to sneak a picture of Christian Kane into this poor story, cheers for the desk calendar}

It’s pretty sad, to be sure. However, the plus side is this. I did NOT break my cup. I’ve purchased many, many of these cups and managed to break them all. This is the third of this version and I can’t believe it survived the great smash of 2012. Yet, it is fully intact.

Then, just to complete the sheer ridiculousness of this story, I was supervising a training session this afternoon. Basically sitting in a room, reading unless I was asked a question.

I cracked open my book and…

the pages were stuck.

What?

I gently pried them apart and found.

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Dried applesauce on the top of the page.

Good then, it has invaded every bit of my Tuesday.

What’s that? How am I, you ask?

Well, my shoulder aches from slamming into the wall. I have a headache and I think I slightly twisted my left ankle in the fall. Meaning: I’m fine. Just another day in Gracelessville.

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8 thoughts on “Livlife Smash

  1. Wow, that’s not where I thought that blog was going when I read the title. I thought it was a regular size cooler and you were going to get smashed (as in mashed potatoes) on Friday after your last day. Nope, that wasn’t it at all.
    I really liked your lunch bucket btw.

    • Hah! I wish. I’m saving my mashed potato smashing for next April…..

      Everyone liked my lunch bucket. Especially me. Of course, it’s discontinued. Kaye said, “so what, buy a different one”.

      But it’s not the same. Poor lunch bucket.

  2. I’m sorry about the death of your lunch bucket. I know how much you liked it. I don’t think I even asked you tonight how you were…sorry, bad mommy. I hope you are okay!

    • I’m fine. A little sore. The headache disappeared, which is good. My shoulder is sore, but I iced it last night. It took the brunt of it.

      Yes, you and dad laughing like loons when I told the story…classic. But, I’m okay and it is a funny story. But now I have to replace my lunch bucket. And, here’s a question. The new model comes in two colors. Blue and red. Mine was blue and I was thinking of replacing it in blue. Red is too much. And yet…the blue costs MORE MONEY!. How can that be?

    • I spent more time trying to decipher this comment than I care to admit. I was going in a “red rocks concert venue in Colorado” vein and was very confused. Then I finally realized what you were telling me. And while I know YOU love red and I don’t have a problem with red, blue is more me. Further, I don’t LIKE the red color. It’s a weird red.

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