The Birds and the Bees

Except, well, no birds. Actually, yes, there were birds, chirping and singing and generally being adorable, but they have no impact on this story.

So yesterday, I went outside to read. It was 57º outside, but the air felt warmer than that. I figured it was one of my last chances to read outside in 2014 and I had a book I had been waiting on a long time, so that was the plan.

There I sat, in my lovely swing, in the warm fall air, just out of range of the sunshine, it smelled wonderful outside and I was enjoying it very much. Suddenly, the back of my mind registered a sound that was out of place. It was a low buzzing and it sounded like it was coming from behind me.

Naturally, instinctively, I turned my head to the left to locate the source of the noise.

That was a mistake.

Turns out, the source of the noise was a bee. A yellow jacket. He was either right behind my head on the chair, or right on my head, I am not sure. But when I turned my head, he panicked and stung me.

I got stung by a bee.

ON MY HEAD.

I felt the pain and leapt out of my chair. I couldn’t see the bee, so I assumed it was still on my head. I wanted to get it off but I couldn’t see it and I was afraid to touch it so I just started shaking my head, like a dog, to get the bee off me.

After a few seconds, I went inside to see the damage. I headed into the bathroom and tried to move my hair to see, when the BEE FLEW OUT OF MY HAIR! Apparently my shaking had trapped him under several feet of hair. Now I am trapped in a bathroom with a bee. At first I was annoyed, but as the pounding in my head grew worse, I just got pissed. So when said bee landed, I picked the the closest item, a candle, and smashed him to smithereens. Dead bee. And since I don’t like honey, I feel comfortable saying that in my world, the only good bee is a dead bee.

Well, once I had disposed of the bee, back to my head. Unfortunately, the sting is above and behind my left ear, which is impossible to see. Plus, several feet of hair…

It was very painful and very hot. Not knowing what else to do, I grabbed an ice pack and put it over the sting and went back outside to read. I’ve been stung before (in normal places, like my hand or my leg) so I know I am not allergic, the rest was just dealing with the pain.

And, oh, did it hurt. At first it was like the heat and pain were radiating out from that spot, making my whole head feel strange, but then, it sharpened and focused into a point and it felt like a migraine. It pretty much ruined my reading outside. I couldn’t focus on anything except the hurt.

I went in and laid down on the couch, still on the ice pack, which seemed to help. I laid there until the ice pack grew warm and then I took a couple Tylenol. After about an hour it lessened enough that I was able to read and I did finish my book, but the hurt never went away.

At bed, I couldn’t lie on my left side, which is how I usually sleep, so I had to sleep on the right side. This morning, it didn’t really hurt. I was relieved. Until, of course I did crazy things like shampoo and brush my hair! Now it is hurting again, but not nearly as bad as yesterday.

I’m sure it will fade completely, hopefully by tomorrow. And that is the story of how my Sunday was ruined by one tiny little bee.

The moral of the story? Don’t look. You’d think the horror film industry would have taught us that by now, but no, I had to go and look for that sound. It’s human nature. And unfortunately I got stung. Which, I suppose, is bee nature.

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